The biggest obstacle that I’ve faced so far in life started only a few years ago. I had packed my bags and transferred to the University of Mary Washington, hoping to save quite a bit of money while helping my family out during a rather financially stressful time. I picked up a full-time course load of science classes and two part-time jobs as a waiter and as a fast-food employee, and even joined a few clubs to make some friends. I was incredibly busy and I liked it that way.
A few months into the semester, I was hit with what I believed to be the flu. I went to the nearest clinic, cursing myself for avoiding a flu shot that year, and told my doctor my symptoms. It turned out I didn’t have the flu, but I would continue to be sick for the years that followed. Every day I would wake up in pain and without energy; my nineteen-year old body started to feel like that of an old, crippled woman. I missed school, class events, birthdays, funerals, and even lost a job. My memory started to deteriorate, making it hard to remember even the simplest things. I was struggling to keep up with school and soon found myself close to giving up on my education completely. My doctor was baffled by my sudden illness, recommending a specialist. Bloodwork would fluctuate from abnormal to normal and didn’t show concrete evidence of one disease or disorder, which made it incredibly hard for doctors to treat me correctly. I had moments where I felt insane and hopeless and devoid of motivation. But Ernest Hemingway, one of my favorite authors who was successful despite illness/injury, once said, “The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.” I needed to prove to myself that I was capable of doing just that. After struggling to keep up with everything, I decided to enroll in a local community college, which was the best decision I have ever made for myself.
This past year, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia – a chronic illness characterized by wide-spread pain and extreme fatigue, believed to be caused by a malfunction with one’s immune system or central nervous system. I’ve developed lesions and rashes, which have made it possible to be referred to a dermatologist that will rule out other diseases, such as Lupus, which I have been suspected of having. It’s been difficult, but I believe the experience has taught me a lot (cheesy, but true). In fact, my disease has been one of the best (and by “best” I mean most relentless, uncompromising, homework-over-spring-break, humbling) teachers I’ve ever had in my life. So, roughly, I’ve been a student in the school of having a chronic illness for about two and a half years now. In this time, I’ve experienced frustration, uncertainty, regret, depression, and have been so disenchanted by the entirety of the medical community that I refused to watch Grey’s Anatomy (sorry, McDreamy). Yet ironically, since I’ve been sick, I’ve learned to more fully appreciate the value of love and life, the importance of humor and friendship, and the priceless act of kindness. Please understand that I am not an expert nor am I the most scholarly when it comes to being sick. I’m a B- (C+) student still struggling to grasp the curriculum that I’ve been given. But since my unsanctioned enrollment, I have learned a few things about coping with a chronic illness that I would like to share.
First, you may not be able to control your illness or even the other various things life will throw at you, but you can control how you choose to react to it. I have learned this by trial and error and through taking responsibility. I’m a firm believer that all failures and trials have a purpose. Second, it is so critical to seek support in a diverse community. It is incredibly true when they say that there is strength in numbers, even more so when those numbers possess worldly experiences that are different from our own. I found support in family, friends, professors, and doctors who all had different levels of education and backgrounds. That support is what has helped me to move forward and I plan to keep doing so. I have chosen Virginia Commonwealth University, not only for its impeccable Mass Communications program, but for the medley of students that wholeheartedly celebrate diversity in numbers. Third, advocate: whether it be for your own well-being or someone else’s. Going through something as hard as an illness comes with the invaluable gift of empathy for others. Use your newfound knowledge and strength (and sometimes lack of) to help others.
Finally, don’t ever give up. This one might be the hardest, but it’s certainly the most important. There are days that are extremely hard. There are days you want to lay in bed and cry into a bag of white cheddar popcorn. There are days where you’ll drive out to the nearest lake, sit on your car, and ask why you were dealt the wrong hand and if you could shuffle the cards one last time. But, there are also days where you will experience the most joy you have ever experienced and it reminds you why life is so incredibly worth living. Being strong at your broken place doesn’t necessarily call for outright strength or brute; it calls for tenacity, integrity, and the ability to dust yourself off after you’ve taken a hit.
And, you may not be making ground-breaking, extraordinary movements at this exact moment, but sometimes simply getting out of bed is the strongest thing you can do.